With this 30 (or 31?) day writing challenge, I receive suggestions for posts each day and have never really payed attention to them, but today’s message is truly a challenge for me. The topic is “write a confession” and to be honest and vulnerable. I believe that so far, I’ve been nothing BUT in the scope of this blog, and it really made me think of what I could confess- something I would’ve done differently or wish had never happened at all.
This is really difficult. Not that everything in my life has been perfect – it has actually been far from that. But as John Legend sings “your perfect imperfections”, they’re all mine. There is nothing where I really would say “I wish I hadn’t done that”. Sure, there were situations where things didn’t turn out the way I had hoped, or my mouth was quicker than my brain, or worse: I thought it would be the end of the world, but I (or circumstances, higher powers, whatever) always managed and turned it around.
When my mom and stepdad decided to move to the US in 1995, I made the decision to stay with my dad. I’m not sure anymore whether I really made that decision or it was made for me, since I was barely a teenager, and I remember my dad not being the greatest fan of my going overseas, to say the least. I went anyway – but a year later. I left friends and part of my family, the familiar, to explore new grounds, be with the part of my family who deeply cares for me and that would give me the best opportunities and memories.
Two years later, we moved into a new house in Connecticut which was located just outside of my first school district, which made me have to change schools. As a teenager, of course the world revolved around me (or so I thought) and I cried for three months straight, but it turned out to be one of the best changes to this day in my life. When mom and stepdad left the US to return to Germany, I decided to stay. At first. A couple of months later, I left as well.
I did my German drivers license all over again, got my German high school diploma, went to University, moved to Spain, came back to Germany, continued studying, started working, studied again, moved to the US, and here I am. I worked as a dancer, burger flipper, a gas station cashier, a personal trainer. I’ve been lost so many times, not knowing which road to take, if the road I was taking was even leading anywhere. After countless decisions – some smaller, some larger – some less important, others crucial, I always made it. Something has always worked out. For some things, I like to take credit (I know I work hard for what I want and I have very important and loving people supporting me), other times, I believe karma has done her job very well.
I can’t say that I regret any decision that I made or had to make – because they’ve all led to where I am now. And I’m happy where I am now. My path is far from being a dead-end or over – which is nice because I always know that there is something else coming my way. I guess I would be afraid of admitting that some things may have been a mistake. If I admit to it, then it might change the final outcome. Like a jinx. Or I just got over it and learned to deal with it. Some things at least. The others I’m still working on in my spare time ;).
(#My500Words Day 21)