It was an intense day, with an office meeting from hell and otherwise confusing tidbits occurring here and there.
What I know is that you need a thick skin these days to understand some things. I may be very ambitious, reaching for the stars when everyone else and their mother roll their eyes “what the he** is she doing?” I get antsy and impatient when I don’t see results right away (probably my German side). I look to fix things. I absolutely dislike it when someone patronizes me or doubts my personal beliefs. I get annoyed when Google can’t figure out its route although I did it days ago. And I hate it when my electric toothbrush gives me a headache because I try to keep it in place with my teeth while making coffee.
What I know is that news (whether good or bad) travel in three’s. I’m afraid to speak up because I’m not sure of how drastically other people may react. There are some scary people out there though! Standing up for yourself is sometimes not an option if it would mean possibly not being able to keep my job. I kept to myself. I avoided confrontation because it makes me feel uneasy. Whenever I witness an argument, I look to either help or fly.
I’m embarrassed by being exposed without a warning – even if it’s for something I’m very proud of. I don’t call on people, and expect them to treat me the same. I need a minute to process that.
It puzzles me that people can be ignorant and disrespectful. It throws me off when even “friends” are so naïve that they do not see what’s right in front of them. It makes me angry when people are unappreciative and take things for granted.
What I also know is that someone like me gets taken for granted. I’m no mother Teresa, and I’m far from being perfect, but I’m honest. I also know that I’m too nice. I have to put my foot down. I swear, I will do it… One of these days. I always keep my promises – even if they don’t get me as much as a thank-you. I like to get to know people, know different views, see different angles. Learn why they became the way they are.
I get a hold of myself. I’m learning that everyone is different… and some a little more. I pull myself back down (who else is gonna do it?), and pour myself a cup of tea… Because tea always helps. So does wine… I should go to the store. Mom says “wine is for when you’re happy”, so… It’s imperative that I be happy now!
I also know that I keep going where others may stop and turn around. I’m reaching out, not because I’m lonely, but because I’m interested. I try to understand how other people work, live, love, what makes them tick. I know that I should speak up, get up, stand up, get angry and show it, but I’m not the bitch I sometimes wish I was. I’m forgiving, not revengeful (remind me of that again after the next office meeting, please).
What I know is that I protect the ones I love and those that support me unconditionally. I’ve had to do a lot of favors, and I will continue doing them – not because I expect something in return, but because I like helping those that I believe are true to themselves and me. I also like to laugh a lot… sometimes for no reason at all and about myself.
Most of all, I know that I deserve whatever is coming my way. And I accept it, whatever it is… I’m sure I have a coupon somewhere…
(#My500Words Day 29)