None of us are free of judgment. I think the greatest compliment I’ve ever received was from a Spanish roommate I had in Madrid. She described me to her friend on the phone and said “she’s cool – she’s one of the few people who doesn’t judge”. I liked that. I thought about it, and I didn’t believe it was true, but perhaps it is.
It’s easy to judge others, forming our opinion of someone’s clothes, way of talking, walking, looking, anything. We’ve never walked a day in someone else’s shoes, and maybe that’s a good thing. It makes us use our brains and understanding a bit more. It all goes back to the nature vs. nurture topic. Do we learn to judge? Are we like Maybelline and just born with it?
I decided to get a tattoo when I was 18. I thought I would never… I was always the good girl, afraid to go out of the ordinary. Or do something that I may be punished for. Something wrong. But it felt right. The tattoo depicts an angel with devil horns. It’s more than the conglomerate of good and evil – it actually means ying and yang. The fact that every situation, no matter how bad and hopeless it seems, has something positive – something we can learn from. And that every person, no matter how good they seem, how perfect their lives, their looks, their talks may be… they have their horns. And it’s good that way. Perfect imperfects belong to everyone.
I think we judge to compare – to see if we are still “ok”. If we are “with it”. If we can measure up. Otherwise it’s simply observing (no feelings, just facts). Judging is not a bad thing unless we turn it into an action such as bullying, which is one of the lowest forms of being. Treating someone as if they were of less value than you or made less perfect than you is simply unacceptable and will haunt you one way or another – you won’t even see it coming.
Sometimes, it’s difficult not to judge. You are overcome by the amount of stupidity, thoughtlessness and simple carelessness of some people. But you’re not them. You don’t know what they’ve been through. No, they had no right to talk to you like that or to treat you that certain way, and you should definitely always stand up for yourself. However, judgment has nothing to do with how others treat you. It’s only how you perceive yourself in the presence of others. Do you feel threatened? Jealous? Envious? Sad? Or the opposite? Superior? Better looking? Richer? Well, good for you… take it in, leave it at that.
Well, I never thought I would write about judging. A good friend of mine studies law in Germany – I think it took her nearly ten years to complete (not sure if she’s even done now at 30). I admire her. Judging on a professional level seems impossible to me. But then again, I never thought I’d write about judging.