Soul Strip

I fight where others think the battlefield has long been abandoned. I try to blend in where I should be standing out. I greatly dislike being the center of attention… like a true introvert. I’ve tried to change – to not sell myself short. I don’t like selling myself at all. When people want it, they will come. No need to sell. I know I’m wrong, but it goes against everything that I am. Advertising is a billion dollar market, with genius minds overlooking every crevice, awaiting a break-through idea. Maybe me, maybe not.

I don’t judge. Period. At least I overheard a distant friend say that about me once.

I’m a saint. NOT. AT. ALL. But you can’t tell.

You’re not the easiest person to be with. I heard someone else say.

Good.

I dislike being easy as much as I dislike being the center of attention. I don’t mind it, but if I can avoid it, I will.

As for myself, I see things. Everywhere. Those things are combined with feelings, call them intuition, in the worst case. I’m like everyone else, but I’m not. I’m as unique as everyone else. And then again… I’m not.

I like strange movies, dark humor, chick flicks, The Hangover, slapstick comedies, Titanic, situational comedy, TV series, and I’m fascinated by the personalities and locations behind them. The real vs. the unreal. Is there a difference?

I speak five languages, I’ve lived in three countries, traveled to twenty, met at least one person in each with whom I still keep in touch, and look up to people you wouldn’t expect anyone to look up to.

I’ve lived in utter despair (relatively speaking) and complete abundance. Domestic violence – survived. I don’t talk about it. But I will if you ask me to. Marriage. Divorce. No kids. No house. Just me.

I don’t care for your status, but your will and vision to go for a goal. I’ll never rat you out. I guess I do judge. I’m extremely disappointed if I don’t reach a one-million-mile-high goal I set for myself. I like being the unexpected. Beating the odds. And I will keep trying until I do.

I’m still trying to fill the gap that Breaking Bad and Dexter have left in my life. I’ve never found another show to fill that void.

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I’m annoyingly efficient, an acquaintance once told me. I agree.

I don’t expect anything to be handed to me. I’ve worked since I was 16 (at least besides going to school). At times, I worked two jobs. I went back to the 10th grade in a different country after I already completed my first year of college in the first country. I quit. And I tried again. I made it. With flying colors.

I have the best support network anyone could ever wish for… strong family, awesome friends, and interesting relations. Here and there. Or not.

I drove by my dream car the other day. That car and the fact that I’m working in order to buy my mom a house in the Hollywood Hills one day, where we can sit by the pool and drink wine, is why I get up every morning. I told my friend “Ugh, I would sell my SOUL for this car”. He responded “You don’t have to sell your soul…,” as he leans over and whispers “…just your body.” I thought about it. I won’t. I can’t. It’s a man’s world… I’m just trying to keep up.

I like to have fun, and be spontaneously out of bounds. I’ll have a party night until 4 am and make new friends within an hour. Although I prefer to stay in the comfort of my own home, on my couch, watching movies I’ve seen a hundred times. Laughing about the scenes I’ve laughed at the very first time I saw them. Introvert.

I’ll call from somewhere unexpected. Because I saw something. Or I thought something was there.

But I will keep calling, to make sure you know that I’m ok.

I’m constantly looking for a purpose. To avoid being stagnant. When all I need is a stagnant night in, relaxing, doing nothing.

I believe.

But many people do. Many people are. Many people have. I just keep going, until I find a reason, a justification… for myself… That being where I am is exactly where I’m supposed to be.

And here I am.

 

Day 7 #30DayWritingChallenge : What sets you apart from the crowd?

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