Trump Ages Backwards

The Benjamin-Button-phenomenon has sprung to life in none other than US President Donald Trump, a recent medical hoax confirmed. Except the subject is becoming more stupid the younger he gets. “Herdergerherder bah lerderner sok itstrue hergerder”, POTUS proclaimed in a meeting at London Heathrow airport’s international departure area (this is as far as he got).

This explains his utter lack of higher register, class, international understanding, humane intention yet abundance of opinionated suggestions. The 70-year-old hair aficionado took several breaks during his two-and-a-half minute visit, which was paid for in its entirety by US tax money, to have his diaper changed.

What does this mean for America? A rise in daycare prices, to say the least (someone will have to take care of this sh!t), orange hair-dye and white eyeliner shortages will have to be met, and we assume that the conveyor belts for extra long neck ties won’t be standing still in the next four years (if we’re pessimistic).

As Major Orange steps down from Heathrow’s international podium, his wife Melania smiled. Or cried. Or died. Who knows. In a recent interview, FLOTUS expressed her hope to soon move into the White House as her husband becomes younger:

“I am willing to share a house with him in maybe another 10 years”

– “First Lady Trumpleton, your husband will not be president in 10 years”

– “Oh. Oh, that’s too bad. I was looking forward to being his wife…”

– “…”

– “…”

– “…”.

Both, Mr. and Mrs. President Trumpinsky, were escorted to Air Don’t Force This 1 by their security team (our scientists and medical experts in disguise – they will never find out, but are in need of constant supervision due to their unusual conditions).  They will try to stop TheDonald from blowing his own trump(et).

As always, we will stay on top of the developments in the White House and refer to DT’s latest Twitter rants and Instagram posts, which are clearly more important than establishing international relationships and a national feeling of security.



Day 4: “Write a tabloid story about a celebrity” (ok, it said “favorite” celebrity, but I love my favorite celebrities too much to rant about them)


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