As became evident from my previous post, there’s a lot going on. I haven’t found a solution yet, and maybe I won’t, but I found the time to do what makes my soul sing. Mind you, I cannot carry a tune for all it’s worth- I even messed up on a friend’s recent “Happy Birthday” Whatsapp recording… I refuse to sing because I know I can’t. Not even Christmas songs or the aforementioned “Happy Birthday”. Alright, I don’t refuse, but it makes me extremely uncomfortable. However, I know that it brings pleasure to others – especially when you completely miss a few notes. My friend in Germany was very nice – though he sent me a video of him laughing at me in return. I loved it.
Besides not singing, I found the time to run and take photos. I’ve mentioned before that I’m not very passionate about running – I would never advertise it, but it’s also because I’m not very good at it. I am faster from time to time, then slower, but I always run. It helps me wind down from an office day and see the sights around me. But I need a goal. The next one will be the Malibu Half Marathon in November, and it’s inching closer. I feel prepared, although I don’t expect much, but I have faith in my body again.
Another friend of mine is a running coach in Germany. I saw her in Florida not long ago and in California a few years ago – we always run together when she visits. She sees me struggling when I’m huffing and puffing behind her while her heart rate barely scratches 145. Then she runs ahead of me and starts singing German drinking songs. It cracks me up so hard that I have to stop. I can’t help but laugh – it’s so random. But it takes your mind off of the effort your body is putting in. Your body can do it – you just have to take your mind off it. Easy like that. So I’ll be singing German drinking songs in Malibu soon.
That’s the thing about having faith in yourself – some decision like which country to live in, which side to choose, which career path to take… Those things take time. I do trust myself although I thought I didn’t. It just takes time. Time to get your mind frame out of the panic-mode of having to make a life-or-death decision if it’s not. And time to do the things that make your soul sing.
Photography does that for me. I still have a whole list of photos with ideas, possible examples, and sometimes I set out to shoot one thing and find something completely different. Actually, that happens all the time. I love that. It’s such a cliché, but photography helps me focus and un-focus. To just let my eyes and mind wander, pay attention to details, be silly. And then figure out the technology, play with settings, editing… It becomes a whole thing.
When it comes to stressful situations and you’re not a doctor in an O.R. who has to make that life-or-death call, taking a breath, taking time in general, but specifically to go where your passion(s) take(s) you, is vital. Either way, getting out, exploring and then returning to yourself helps immensely in the journey to trusting yourself again. I found that I could all along, but thought that I had lost it. But if I lose my marbles, at least I know running and photography will bring me back. And German drinking songs.